I'm sure in a permanent state of procrastination. Although, to be fair, today has been manic! So it's not really my fault.
I had a choir event; we went to Broadstairs which is about 40 minutes or so away from Folkestone and performed in this carol service in a church which isn't like the churches I'm used to and people kept asking me things which I didn't know the answer to because I don't go to a church with reverends! I go to a church with pastors. It's different - sad face. We got there at like 3 and the thing didn't start until half 5 so there was a lot of waiting around, and a lot of giggling at stupid things during silence moments.
- I would just like to briefly mention that my flatmate just yelled, "SUCK IT!!!", I think he's playing FIFA. I will never understand why you'd want to play a video game of football, but whatever!
Right and then when that was over we went to the Broadstairs campus for Canterbury Christ Church students - they have arty stuff like photography and commercial music, etc - and we did some of our songs over there and people were all smiely and it was fun. Thy want us to perform next year, too and I'm pretty sure they'll get us to do some other events too because we ROCK!.
Awesome, okay. Well, I didn't get home until late and then I asked Joe for his laptop and he took forever and now it's too late for me to do work and I just need to sleep in order to wake up super early and do LOADS of work then! YAY!!
Right... BYE.
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
RAWR!
Ihavesomuchworktodoit'sinsaneandithinki'mslowlylosingmymindandwhyamionhereandnotactuallydoingitrightnowi'mCRAZY!
That is all.
That is all.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
Ramble.
Today I went to City - which is always fun!
Sophia, a girl from uni, usually comes with me but today she said she had too much work to do. The weirdest part was she asked me if that was okay; I mean seriously, if it wasn't, what would she do - come anyway because I was pissed? No. Silly girl. She's an odd one, but absolutely lovely. She's a new Christian so for her everything is exciting and amazing and intense, it's really awesome to be around someone so into something so new in their life. I envy it because I've always known God, but I know I have something different with my relationship with him, not everyone is the same.
So, I went on my own and I acutally had a really good time. I met lots of people whose names I probably won't be able to remember when I go back in month but that's fine, we'll do it all again and I'll pick it back up in no time.
Afterwards me and Hani went with some other people to Nandos.
Some guy was like masachistically torturing himself by continuously eating fries with the super hot peri-peri sauce. He kept saying it hurt but carried on, I can't say I entirely understood the situation.
The bus back home was probably the worst part of my day. When I left Hani and walked to the bus, I thought I'd get a Shake Away on my way over, and consequently missed the bus which I found out only goes once an hour. I was literally, one minute late. So, I sat around in the freezing cold bus shelter for an hour with my hands slowly losing all feeling. I mean the actual bus journey wasn't that bad, I was just tired and wanted to get it over with.. and fell asleep at a few points until my head slumped forward so much that my headphones fell off and I hit head on the hand rail thing on the seat in from of me. Fun.
Home home home. I wish Joe hadn't come home so soon after I'd come arrived back, but what can you do.
Procrastinating again. I give up, I'm terrible at this whole ACTUALLY doing work thing. Plus reading is so much fun. Alex reccommended this book series to me by Scott Westerfeld and I honestly haven't been able to put it down. It's ridiculous. I love it! It's made me read loads of other things.
Sophia, a girl from uni, usually comes with me but today she said she had too much work to do. The weirdest part was she asked me if that was okay; I mean seriously, if it wasn't, what would she do - come anyway because I was pissed? No. Silly girl. She's an odd one, but absolutely lovely. She's a new Christian so for her everything is exciting and amazing and intense, it's really awesome to be around someone so into something so new in their life. I envy it because I've always known God, but I know I have something different with my relationship with him, not everyone is the same.
So, I went on my own and I acutally had a really good time. I met lots of people whose names I probably won't be able to remember when I go back in month but that's fine, we'll do it all again and I'll pick it back up in no time.
Afterwards me and Hani went with some other people to Nandos.
Some guy was like masachistically torturing himself by continuously eating fries with the super hot peri-peri sauce. He kept saying it hurt but carried on, I can't say I entirely understood the situation.
The bus back home was probably the worst part of my day. When I left Hani and walked to the bus, I thought I'd get a Shake Away on my way over, and consequently missed the bus which I found out only goes once an hour. I was literally, one minute late. So, I sat around in the freezing cold bus shelter for an hour with my hands slowly losing all feeling. I mean the actual bus journey wasn't that bad, I was just tired and wanted to get it over with.. and fell asleep at a few points until my head slumped forward so much that my headphones fell off and I hit head on the hand rail thing on the seat in from of me. Fun.
Home home home. I wish Joe hadn't come home so soon after I'd come arrived back, but what can you do.
Procrastinating again. I give up, I'm terrible at this whole ACTUALLY doing work thing. Plus reading is so much fun. Alex reccommended this book series to me by Scott Westerfeld and I honestly haven't been able to put it down. It's ridiculous. I love it! It's made me read loads of other things.
Saturday, 5 December 2009
The beginning of the end... Of this year.
So, it's been almost three months since I moved away to uni and I'm going back in a week for a month over Christmas. I can't explain how much I miss my home, going back will be amazing.
It's been.. interesting. To say the least.
From my last post, you know that my Grandfather died. It was about two weeks into my being here; that was difficult. Along with being homesick, not really getting on with my flatmate and having a small issue back home that I had to deal with whilst being here at the same time, the entire experience has been one I couldn't have predicted in any manner.
A few weeks in I was became somewhat of a recluse. Living here literally changed how I am with myself and other people; and if you've met me, although I don't think that's necessary, you know that I'm anything but reclusive. But I didn't want to be anywhere near my flatmate, I didn't feel close enough to anyone to get comfort about my Grandfather, no one ever came to see me and I didn't want to intrude on people's lives all the time so, I spent a lot of time on my own. I wanted to go home, give up and just live my life in my parent's house in Portsmouth where I knew I had friends I could count on. But I didn't want the disappointment I knew would come with that.
Only God knows how, and I thank him every day for helping me through this, but I managed to start going out and meeting people outside of uni which built my confidence back up to hang out with my uni friends again and everything there is alright now. I found an amazing church called City Church - it's in Canterbury but I don't mind traveling to go somewhere I love. I quit smoking! It's been three weeks - and although even that mention of smoking kind of makes me want a cigarette, I know I've done one of the best things ever for myself and I couldn't be prouder. As a consequence I've gained a bit of weight, but that's coupled with my brief few of weeks of being a recluse; I comfort eat. And I know it'll be easier to lose now because I'll, even if slowly, find exercise easier.
I'm going to re-string this guitar I have, borrowed from my Mummy, and I WILL learn to play it. And then do some covers and write some songs and get some gigs. And I want to get a decent camera and do some photography and put it up on flickr and look at the world.
Boys aren't on my agenda at all. I can't escape old memories enough to make new ones and although I've had fleeting moments, there's been nothing substantial. Nothing that can compare. Nothing for ages. My attitude, as one who just isn't that interested, is apparently all the more interesting to the male of the species, and I can't figure out whether that's fun or irritating. I think both, some times fun but after a while irritating. Or just plain creepy.
God has completely turned me upside down and then the right way up again. I'm baffled and serene at the same time. Serenely baffled. I'm seeing my life through someone else's eyes, and this person is just ever so slightly more grown up than when I first arrived at university.
Now, I best stop procrastinating and actually do some work if I want to actually pass this course.
I'll try and update more often from now on. My bad. What can I say? I'm a student.
It's been.. interesting. To say the least.
From my last post, you know that my Grandfather died. It was about two weeks into my being here; that was difficult. Along with being homesick, not really getting on with my flatmate and having a small issue back home that I had to deal with whilst being here at the same time, the entire experience has been one I couldn't have predicted in any manner.
A few weeks in I was became somewhat of a recluse. Living here literally changed how I am with myself and other people; and if you've met me, although I don't think that's necessary, you know that I'm anything but reclusive. But I didn't want to be anywhere near my flatmate, I didn't feel close enough to anyone to get comfort about my Grandfather, no one ever came to see me and I didn't want to intrude on people's lives all the time so, I spent a lot of time on my own. I wanted to go home, give up and just live my life in my parent's house in Portsmouth where I knew I had friends I could count on. But I didn't want the disappointment I knew would come with that.
Only God knows how, and I thank him every day for helping me through this, but I managed to start going out and meeting people outside of uni which built my confidence back up to hang out with my uni friends again and everything there is alright now. I found an amazing church called City Church - it's in Canterbury but I don't mind traveling to go somewhere I love. I quit smoking! It's been three weeks - and although even that mention of smoking kind of makes me want a cigarette, I know I've done one of the best things ever for myself and I couldn't be prouder. As a consequence I've gained a bit of weight, but that's coupled with my brief few of weeks of being a recluse; I comfort eat. And I know it'll be easier to lose now because I'll, even if slowly, find exercise easier.
I'm going to re-string this guitar I have, borrowed from my Mummy, and I WILL learn to play it. And then do some covers and write some songs and get some gigs. And I want to get a decent camera and do some photography and put it up on flickr and look at the world.
Boys aren't on my agenda at all. I can't escape old memories enough to make new ones and although I've had fleeting moments, there's been nothing substantial. Nothing that can compare. Nothing for ages. My attitude, as one who just isn't that interested, is apparently all the more interesting to the male of the species, and I can't figure out whether that's fun or irritating. I think both, some times fun but after a while irritating. Or just plain creepy.
God has completely turned me upside down and then the right way up again. I'm baffled and serene at the same time. Serenely baffled. I'm seeing my life through someone else's eyes, and this person is just ever so slightly more grown up than when I first arrived at university.
Now, I best stop procrastinating and actually do some work if I want to actually pass this course.
I'll try and update more often from now on. My bad. What can I say? I'm a student.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
A shock
Today my Grandfather died.
I miss my family more than ever. I have never felt so far away, being at uni has suddenly become difficult. I wish I could just be with my parents and be there to cry with and comfort my Daddy.
He was a great man, and shall be missed greatly.
I miss my family more than ever. I have never felt so far away, being at uni has suddenly become difficult. I wish I could just be with my parents and be there to cry with and comfort my Daddy.
He was a great man, and shall be missed greatly.
Monday, 14 September 2009
Slowly destroyed
I have never cried so much in my life than I have in the last two weeks.
I'm upset to go, but staying is destroying me.
Either way, I have a reputation to uphold, and it's proving more difficult than I thought. When the world thinks that you perceive yourself to be better than others, even if you don't there is no convincing them. I believe myself to be no more perfect than anyone else just because I have faith, humanity is flawed, myself doubly so.
I wish I didn't care, but I do.
I'm upset to go, but staying is destroying me.
Either way, I have a reputation to uphold, and it's proving more difficult than I thought. When the world thinks that you perceive yourself to be better than others, even if you don't there is no convincing them. I believe myself to be no more perfect than anyone else just because I have faith, humanity is flawed, myself doubly so.
I wish I didn't care, but I do.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
The inspiration
I consider myself dramatic, in pretty much every aspect of my life. It's not something I always choose, you can only help who you are some of the time. Ambiguity is a good talent too, huh?
So, recently I'm all over the place. Happy, sad, happy, sad - I can't cut my emotions a break, my brain must be on a the edge of a mental breakdown with all the thoughts flying through it, constantly contradicting each other, bloody hell. So much is going on that I can't seem to pin down one feeling at a time.
But since I met a stranger, who moved me more than any of the people in my life ever have done, I kinda feel like I'm in limbo, and everything is just.. cool. I don't think this person will ever know quite how much their influence has stuck with me; they weren't even trying. In one moment I suddenly saw what I needed to do, the drive that was required, to do what I want to do with my life. The musical aspect, anyway. But it all runs into everything else. I'm gunna take up guitar, finally and try my very hardest to quit smoking because now it's something that I really want to do, instead of something I know I should do.
All the time now music is running through my head, all mashed up into one big musical amazement, which makes no sense whatsoever and I am flippin' loving it. Everything is inspirational, everything is something I can write a song about, I have an entire discography forming in my head.
This all sounds crazy and honestly, if you could get inside my head, that query would definitely be confirmed. But I'd like to thank, and always will, the man who inspired me by doing nothing at all, bearing part of his soul on stage to a group of.. mostly underage teeny-bopper fangirls, and me. Thank you to the man who merely said, "hello", and gave me a gift.
I remain, no fangirl, but definitely a fan.
Greg Holden, thank you. Listening to you in a dingy London venue changed me.
So, recently I'm all over the place. Happy, sad, happy, sad - I can't cut my emotions a break, my brain must be on a the edge of a mental breakdown with all the thoughts flying through it, constantly contradicting each other, bloody hell. So much is going on that I can't seem to pin down one feeling at a time.
But since I met a stranger, who moved me more than any of the people in my life ever have done, I kinda feel like I'm in limbo, and everything is just.. cool. I don't think this person will ever know quite how much their influence has stuck with me; they weren't even trying. In one moment I suddenly saw what I needed to do, the drive that was required, to do what I want to do with my life. The musical aspect, anyway. But it all runs into everything else. I'm gunna take up guitar, finally and try my very hardest to quit smoking because now it's something that I really want to do, instead of something I know I should do.
All the time now music is running through my head, all mashed up into one big musical amazement, which makes no sense whatsoever and I am flippin' loving it. Everything is inspirational, everything is something I can write a song about, I have an entire discography forming in my head.
This all sounds crazy and honestly, if you could get inside my head, that query would definitely be confirmed. But I'd like to thank, and always will, the man who inspired me by doing nothing at all, bearing part of his soul on stage to a group of.. mostly underage teeny-bopper fangirls, and me. Thank you to the man who merely said, "hello", and gave me a gift.
I remain, no fangirl, but definitely a fan.
Greg Holden, thank you. Listening to you in a dingy London venue changed me.
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