It's a bit strange that if you look back on quite a few of my posts I'll mention that I'm at college. I don't know what it is about college but for some reason it gets me writing this thing when the rest of the time, when at home, I rarely do - which is appalling and I wish it were different but every time I say I'll change I never do so, meh.
Tomorrow we go on tour, me and my class, for college around the Isle of Wight which I'm very much looking forward to. I think four venues altogether, but I could be wrong. The last one will be the best, bringing over some people from the mainland which'll be fun, a proper gig feel to it, not that the others don't really have that.
Everyone keeps saying about getting trashed every single night, not only can I not fund that, I can also not manage that. I'd kill myself, my liver would have a panic attack and never speak to me again and I quite like the relationship we've got at the moment. Especially because I was rather abusive towards it recently, it wasn't very nice of me, so now I've got to really work at keeping it happy. However I am now certain that my gag reflex is in great working order, along with realising I've got some majorly unused stomach muscles that now I'm aware of due to great pain. So, my body's all in working order, why would I then want to abuse the hell out of it? There's having a good time and then there's destroying yourself, and I think I'm okay with not doing that for a while, thank you very much.
I will enjoy myself, by all means, and I will partake in a few drinks but I'm not going to go mental... Friday night shenanigans kinda killed my love for mental nights out for a bit.
My birthday soon. I'll be 19.
I'm quite excited, actually. People keep telling me that I'll feel no different, which, honestly, I think is a really stupid thing to say because of course I know I won't feel any different, every day I age and I'm not idiotic to think that one specific day is going to completely how I feel and look, it's not like everything jumps forward a year. What twats.
The really stupid part is when I kept saying that I KNOW I WILL FEEL NO DIFFERENT, I'm just looking forward to being 19, they continued to say it will feel no different. OH MY GOD! WHAT RETARDS AM I DEALING WITH!?
I wasn't even talking to them... I swear, some people don't even deserve the right to speech, they don't use it wisely or well or correctly or coherently. Rtards.
RIGHT! After using many capitals, I'm going to depart, I have rehearsals in a bit and need to run off to that. I really hope this goes well, we have one more set of rehearsals tomorrow morning before we run off to the ferry port and get on with the tour. It's all happening very quickly and quite frankly I am just scared... but in a good way, I think.
Wish us luck!
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Mild fail
Bit like a lot of other parts of my life...
Hmm, these things happen though, you know?
The reason I was inspired to post today was because some one I know, vaguely, sent me a message telling me they spent their lunch break reading my blog. Which, if I'm being honest, I think is a crazy way to pass the time of your day but then, if you know what I think then that means that you're reading this and, in which case, I thank you; I never considered my life or my thoughts at all interesting except to me, and even then..
A few updates...
VEDA (Vlog Every Day in April) has been going quite well. I've missed two days so far, which, for me, is actually very good. Considering my lack of motivation and organisation. I really want some structure to my life. I'm taking the very scary steps of going to sleep at normal hours unless deliberately intentional. Last night I went to bed at 11. Now, I'm sure I didn't actually sleep until, at least, 12 but I felt so much better for it this morning, just resting is still better than keeping my mind actively doing things and thinking. Thinking is a terrible pass time, I should really stop.
I didn't get into a single drama school so it's back to being clueless about the rest of my life for me, until next year comes around and I can begin to panic and stress out over it all over again. Oh, joy! That's how i enjoy living my life, how about you? Currently my focus is hellbent on college and actually getting work done instead of telling my parents I'm "getting it done" so often that I start to believe it myself. It's difficult but I'm learning to sit down and just get on with it. Ew. Kinda hate it, though.
So, other than that nothing is happening with my life. Apart from my doing vague and inconspicuous things that I shouldn't, and told myself I wouldn't, do. I feel guilty about these things, but only because I don't feel guilty at all, and my lack of guilt is getting to me a bit. Weird.
Tonight is the charity gig my class and I had to organise, as a promotions company, and put on together. I hope it goes well, I hope ticket sales are better than I think they'll be. Minor panic there, but only in the back of my mind and only to the extent that it would suck if the night sucked. Basically, the word 'suck' is rotating on my mind about everything to do with tonight, apart from loads of my friends in one place, that part is amazing.
LIKE YOUR FACE.
Hmm, these things happen though, you know?
The reason I was inspired to post today was because some one I know, vaguely, sent me a message telling me they spent their lunch break reading my blog. Which, if I'm being honest, I think is a crazy way to pass the time of your day but then, if you know what I think then that means that you're reading this and, in which case, I thank you; I never considered my life or my thoughts at all interesting except to me, and even then..
A few updates...
VEDA (Vlog Every Day in April) has been going quite well. I've missed two days so far, which, for me, is actually very good. Considering my lack of motivation and organisation. I really want some structure to my life. I'm taking the very scary steps of going to sleep at normal hours unless deliberately intentional. Last night I went to bed at 11. Now, I'm sure I didn't actually sleep until, at least, 12 but I felt so much better for it this morning, just resting is still better than keeping my mind actively doing things and thinking. Thinking is a terrible pass time, I should really stop.
I didn't get into a single drama school so it's back to being clueless about the rest of my life for me, until next year comes around and I can begin to panic and stress out over it all over again. Oh, joy! That's how i enjoy living my life, how about you? Currently my focus is hellbent on college and actually getting work done instead of telling my parents I'm "getting it done" so often that I start to believe it myself. It's difficult but I'm learning to sit down and just get on with it. Ew. Kinda hate it, though.
So, other than that nothing is happening with my life. Apart from my doing vague and inconspicuous things that I shouldn't, and told myself I wouldn't, do. I feel guilty about these things, but only because I don't feel guilty at all, and my lack of guilt is getting to me a bit. Weird.
Tonight is the charity gig my class and I had to organise, as a promotions company, and put on together. I hope it goes well, I hope ticket sales are better than I think they'll be. Minor panic there, but only in the back of my mind and only to the extent that it would suck if the night sucked. Basically, the word 'suck' is rotating on my mind about everything to do with tonight, apart from loads of my friends in one place, that part is amazing.
LIKE YOUR FACE.
Monday, 30 March 2009
Today was made of win
I went to Thorpe Park with my class from college which was awesome and amazing and if i have time at a later date I shall explain in more detail as to why it was so much fun, but for now I must keep it brief because I am getting ready to go to Route and get my groove on with my friend Hani who I've known forever! She just turned 18! :D
Also, tomorrow, I plan on making a video. This may fail. But I plan on it.
Aaaannnnd... I'm done.
Also, tomorrow, I plan on making a video. This may fail. But I plan on it.
Aaaannnnd... I'm done.
Friday, 27 March 2009
yo.
I went to Manchester on Tuesday for a drama school audition and stayed with Jazza, which was lovely and reminded me that I haven't done a post in ages. So, I thought I'd try to get back into the swing of things.
I've decided that even if my posts aren't awesome or insightful or amazing, it doesn't matter as long as I keep up to date with them, because that was the point of it all in the first place. Also, my posts began to get a bit... down. Things were getting kinda on top of me so, when things were good I wasn't writing about it and when they were bad all I wanted to do was rant, but didn't because then I felt like all I was writing about was terrible things and that I just moaned about everything. Which I don't. I'm actually an annoyingly positive person but, things just went a bit bad for a while.
BUT, I'm going to start 'counselling' sessions with a woman who lives near me so I can get things out that way.
Just to update...
I'm not going to America this summer anymore due to stress and it all being too much and EVERYTHING. I don't think I will get into drama school this year, which is okay because I think I'd like to have a year of growing up and having to work full time, experience and what not. AND... I'm running out of things to say so BYE! =D
I've decided that even if my posts aren't awesome or insightful or amazing, it doesn't matter as long as I keep up to date with them, because that was the point of it all in the first place. Also, my posts began to get a bit... down. Things were getting kinda on top of me so, when things were good I wasn't writing about it and when they were bad all I wanted to do was rant, but didn't because then I felt like all I was writing about was terrible things and that I just moaned about everything. Which I don't. I'm actually an annoyingly positive person but, things just went a bit bad for a while.
BUT, I'm going to start 'counselling' sessions with a woman who lives near me so I can get things out that way.
Just to update...
I'm not going to America this summer anymore due to stress and it all being too much and EVERYTHING. I don't think I will get into drama school this year, which is okay because I think I'd like to have a year of growing up and having to work full time, experience and what not. AND... I'm running out of things to say so BYE! =D
Friday, 13 February 2009
After thought
I would like to state first, that this is obviously not fact - I don't think it is - but all my own opinion based on my own faith driven and moral beliefs and my life experience so far. My opinion is something which I am entitled to, and my opinion does not make me an idiot. Thanks.
Now, please continue.
After my last post I've been thinking a lot (and the comment left on it). Mostly about the fact that I'm thinking a lot, but not saying my thoughts. Not even here, because for a long while I felt like I couldn't because of my audience, not that I'm even really aware of who reads this anymore, if anyone.
And so, I say with all my heart, the world is kind of retarded when it comes to dating and relationships. Growing up we all feel the need to be in a relationship when most of us aren't ready for the type of commitment a relationship should really have. Most couples don't even have that level of commitment when they're are in their twenties, so why even try in your teens.
Fair enough, I've known and seen a few relationships that have started young and maintained themselves until marriage and are still going strong; my aunt and uncle just celebrated their 25th anniversary, and she was only 17 when they were married. But, for me, I just don't really understand the point of dating until I fully understand myself and feel ready for it. And when I say ready for it, I mean prepared for a relationship with someone that will lead to marriage.
Yes, marriage.
Now, that statement may sound a WEE BIT extreme for all you casual daters out there, but let me put it this way, why be in a relationship with someone when you can't see it going anywhere? In my mind, there is no point, you're just killing time, and you'll probably just end up hurting yourself and the other person if you can't see a future in it. Not to mention, most people kinda give pieces of themselves away when they get close to someone, and then if that doesn't work, you're left with less and less to give each time - when you finally get to the person you're meant to be with, will there be anything left?
My last relationship left me broken. And I can openly admit that, although I'm over what happened, I'm still not really over the person or the relationship in itself. When it ended, I ran around being chased by guys I wasn't interested in, only because I was lacking the person I really wanted, I just liked the attention. So, I did stupid things and broke myself down more to the point where I came back to my old view on life.
Before I was 16 I was convinced that no sex before marriage was the best thing for me, and for other people too, but each to their own. I went down a bad path, the wrong one, for me that is. I just ended up being an emotional mess, sex just complicated things so much more than I thought it would. Now, I didn't think anything I was doing was bad until about six months ago, but by that point I'd driven myself into a hole so deep, I had to reach up to touch rock bottom. I did something about it, or rather life had other plans for me, brought me back to my old way of thinking, and actually living that way as well.
I don't think I would restrict myself to dating until after university, but then I'm not going to give myself a deadline. I pray about guys - which is allowed - but I also pray that I can just focus on God and my family, friends and just being me for a while, 'cause I kinda lost who I was. And I'm awesome, so that sucks, heh.
I don't think I really want to meet my future husband yet, but when I do I know that I'll be entering into, not just a relationship but, a friendship too. It won't be about sex, it'll be about me, him, and God. Oh yeah, christians only please?
So, to everyone who knew a different me before, I'm not really different in myself, I'm still the amazingly self assured girl who's a bit too loud and probably makes you laugh even though she's not funny. I'm still pretty rude and a little crude, and the flirting thing? Well, I've tried to tone it down as much as I can but some things are just me. The only difference now is, I've got God back in my life, and I couldn't be happier.
Now, please continue.
After my last post I've been thinking a lot (and the comment left on it). Mostly about the fact that I'm thinking a lot, but not saying my thoughts. Not even here, because for a long while I felt like I couldn't because of my audience, not that I'm even really aware of who reads this anymore, if anyone.
And so, I say with all my heart, the world is kind of retarded when it comes to dating and relationships. Growing up we all feel the need to be in a relationship when most of us aren't ready for the type of commitment a relationship should really have. Most couples don't even have that level of commitment when they're are in their twenties, so why even try in your teens.
Fair enough, I've known and seen a few relationships that have started young and maintained themselves until marriage and are still going strong; my aunt and uncle just celebrated their 25th anniversary, and she was only 17 when they were married. But, for me, I just don't really understand the point of dating until I fully understand myself and feel ready for it. And when I say ready for it, I mean prepared for a relationship with someone that will lead to marriage.
Yes, marriage.
Now, that statement may sound a WEE BIT extreme for all you casual daters out there, but let me put it this way, why be in a relationship with someone when you can't see it going anywhere? In my mind, there is no point, you're just killing time, and you'll probably just end up hurting yourself and the other person if you can't see a future in it. Not to mention, most people kinda give pieces of themselves away when they get close to someone, and then if that doesn't work, you're left with less and less to give each time - when you finally get to the person you're meant to be with, will there be anything left?
My last relationship left me broken. And I can openly admit that, although I'm over what happened, I'm still not really over the person or the relationship in itself. When it ended, I ran around being chased by guys I wasn't interested in, only because I was lacking the person I really wanted, I just liked the attention. So, I did stupid things and broke myself down more to the point where I came back to my old view on life.
Before I was 16 I was convinced that no sex before marriage was the best thing for me, and for other people too, but each to their own. I went down a bad path, the wrong one, for me that is. I just ended up being an emotional mess, sex just complicated things so much more than I thought it would. Now, I didn't think anything I was doing was bad until about six months ago, but by that point I'd driven myself into a hole so deep, I had to reach up to touch rock bottom. I did something about it, or rather life had other plans for me, brought me back to my old way of thinking, and actually living that way as well.
I don't think I would restrict myself to dating until after university, but then I'm not going to give myself a deadline. I pray about guys - which is allowed - but I also pray that I can just focus on God and my family, friends and just being me for a while, 'cause I kinda lost who I was. And I'm awesome, so that sucks, heh.
I don't think I really want to meet my future husband yet, but when I do I know that I'll be entering into, not just a relationship but, a friendship too. It won't be about sex, it'll be about me, him, and God. Oh yeah, christians only please?
So, to everyone who knew a different me before, I'm not really different in myself, I'm still the amazingly self assured girl who's a bit too loud and probably makes you laugh even though she's not funny. I'm still pretty rude and a little crude, and the flirting thing? Well, I've tried to tone it down as much as I can but some things are just me. The only difference now is, I've got God back in my life, and I couldn't be happier.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Absolute rubbish
I am sat down in the computer suite at my college and, I swear, the stupidest kid I have ever encountered is sitting about three computers away from me.
He just made the most bone headed ignorant comment I've heard from a, probably, 16/17 year old boy. And I quote,
"Looks are the be all and end all. I only get with women on the basis of looks."
My. Word.
I then looked around to see who this pig headed ass face was and he was marginally attractive, but I wouldn't look twice; looking once is a stretch. But that comment was actually enough to make me want to throttle him. And apparently blog worthy. Just a mild point, as well; 'women'? I'm sorry, boy? How many 'women' do you actually know? I'm a woman, at a push, but I'm still a lot more womanly than the slaggy girls you probably end up with. If any.
OMGOSH.
What kind of moron boys do I go to college with!?
A girl he was talking to just said she didn't like her boyfriend that much, but she'd stay with him anyway. WHAT!?
People only a year or two below me at college are bloody retards.
He just made the most bone headed ignorant comment I've heard from a, probably, 16/17 year old boy. And I quote,
"Looks are the be all and end all. I only get with women on the basis of looks."
My. Word.
I then looked around to see who this pig headed ass face was and he was marginally attractive, but I wouldn't look twice; looking once is a stretch. But that comment was actually enough to make me want to throttle him. And apparently blog worthy. Just a mild point, as well; 'women'? I'm sorry, boy? How many 'women' do you actually know? I'm a woman, at a push, but I'm still a lot more womanly than the slaggy girls you probably end up with. If any.
OMGOSH.
What kind of moron boys do I go to college with!?
A girl he was talking to just said she didn't like her boyfriend that much, but she'd stay with him anyway. WHAT!?
People only a year or two below me at college are bloody retards.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
geek geek geek
I freak'n LOVE Stargate.
Sat with my mum watching Stargate Continuum!
I'm such a geek it hurts, sometimes.
Sat with my mum watching Stargate Continuum!
I'm such a geek it hurts, sometimes.
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