odd song lyrics

"'Cause big girls don't cry..."

Yes, they do. We really fucking do.

rediscovered

Amy Studt.

She's a bit awesome.

Epiphany.

It is in my friend Housie's opinion that "hot girls...fact.... are ALWAYS taken"

My response to this was "It's the hot girls that you think are nice as well that are always taken, the one's you think are funny and clever and interesting."
But ever thought that maybe it's not the case at all, that actually the one's you just think are hot are actually interesting and funny and clever and perfect for you BUT you'll never know, because there's a completely different frame of mind for both of you if you're both single.

This got us onto the discussion of why you're more attracted to those people who always turn out to be taken, because it's not a physcological thing of, only liking them more after you've realised, you really like them - concious decision - and then the blow of them being in a relationship pops up. BUT they're always so nice that you want to be around them anyway.

This really got me thinking about why. I came to this conclusion.
When you're single, there is more pressure to impress. You subconciously, or conciously, hide certain features of your life, personality, etc in a way that you think improves yourself on a first impression basis. With a first encounter with an attractive male, I used to not mention right off the back that I am a huge youtube geek and enjoy posting videos on the internet, chatting to people I've met on the internet and arranging to meet up with said people, that I met on the internet. It doesn't exactly ooze cool, or that I - to the ignorant attractive person i'm likely to meet out one night - consider my safety in a huge way.
However, and this is where you think about how unintentionally fake everyone is, since I've been with Chris I've had no inclination to hide anything about who I am. In conversation with new guys I've suddenly realised how much more open and comfortable I am and I've had a lot more attention too. Whether these two are connected, I'm not entirely sure BUT if my theory on how much you give away about yourself depending on your relationship status is correct, I imagine it probably is.

This, people, is why the taken characters we meet are so much more desireable. If you're in a happy, committed relationship you have nothing to lose, if I chat to some one and they decide that they don't like me then fuck 'em, that's fine - I've not lost or gained anything from them thinking that I'm not someone they'd like to get to know because I've got my friends, sure I'd love to make more, but the one's I've got are perfectly dandy, and I've got Chris and I am by no means looking or wanting for anyone else but him.

Me and Housie have never had such an in-depth conversation.

That's all, really.

stare.

Now, I live near this city called Chichester. It's got two very well known theatres in it, one more than the other. This evening my mother, father and myself went to the more prestigeous theatre to see The Music Man.
Right, let me explain that one of the main reasons this theatre is so well known is because so many famous people have performed there and, in this theatre and city, many famous people have been spotted to be there. So, my mum, first thing, goes "Ooo, look! It's *insert name here*!" I was only vaguely aware of who the person was; famous actress, ice skater, etc. I'm just a little ignorant, apparently. Anyway, you'd have thought that this woman would have attracted lots of attention. Oh, no! Not really.
I, on the other hand, being somewhat of an amazon woman AND wearing heels - they're only small but they make me look very slim and... nice - managed to attract the attention of every man who walked past me, of every age - most of them being pensioners, GET IN!
And generally was oggled at with most curious people, I can imagine their thought process now...

"FUCK, SHE'S TALL. BLOODY HELL, SHE'S TALLER THAN ME, AND THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE WITH HER!! EVEN THE MAN! ARE THOSE HER PARENTS?? CHRIST."

Now, if you imagine that voice being said very loudly in a rather cockney accent, that's how I expect all posh pretencious toffs sound like in their inner monologue. Ah, being a snob is fun.

So, yes. I attract more attention in large crowds than famous people you will never see again, due to my extreme height. Laugh it up.

Anticipation

I go on holiday to Egypt in about five days. The prospect is terrifying...
I don't even know why, it's holiday; so why am I sort of dreading it? I hate the thought that this, what would normally be, enjoyable situation makes me feel horrible and like it's just a way of killing time before I get to do other stuff this summer. GHEY.

Went to Reg and Route last night with some mates. Was a really good night, Rosie had to leave though, so that sucked. But in Reg before Route I felt weird; going out is now something that is totally normal now. Something that I considered normal but only did occassionally, I now do all the time and it really does give me a very strange feeling; especially when I noticed that I didn't have butterflies of excitement anymore. It's still nice to go out, and I'm sure specific occassions I will get that feeling but still...
But I totally wouldn't mind doing Route regularly because it's full of my friends, cheap alocohol, I've met amazing people and I LOVE DANCING. With Rosie I'll dance to anything but by myself (yeah, shut up) or mainly with the guys I turn into another person; dancing to really heavy stuff that I love. I become one of the guys, which I am anyway, but more so. They get a little conflicted... -one of the guys... but girl dancing!? Confused!!!- Bless them.

I FUCKING MISS PEOPLE. And it's driving me insane.
And they always come up in conversations I have with people. For example, last night, talking about how to define attractive boys and who we knew who was 'classically good looking' and Rosie brought up our mate Charlie who was merely eye candy for a year until I decided I was going to actually talk to him; really nice guy, little arrogant (understatement), and looks a tad like David Tennent. NO! I'm sorry, but I HAD to insist that Liam is overwhelmingly better looking and looks more like David Tennent than Charlie. AND HE'S SCOTTISH! [obsession is slightly worrying] Also, Charlie is WAY to skinny.

EWWW!

Ah, I love you all who I don't get to see these days. You all appreciate me so much more than most of the people I get to see every day.

Anna

Touched

I just finished watching Kidulthood.
My face is still wet.

Through two days in their lives when every action became crucial to the next step that was taken. This film is defined by 'every action has a reaction'. And people upset are rarely forgiving.

The last two minutes were epic, it was like I was actually there. You know how some films just seem to not really work, you don't really believe them, 'cause they completely fail to emotionally grab you and you haven't connected with the characters? Even the minor ones, I still felt for them.
I really can't explain everything about it, I just feel as though I've been dropped in the situation briefly and then pulled right back out again.

Anna

The List

Things to do during the summer:
- buy at least five new cds
- get another tattoo
- fill up my ipod with songs (just bought - get it in a couple of days)
- go somewhere on my own
- have an amazing time in egypt with jem
- go to liquid for the first time
- see Chris and Sinead and EVERYONE at least twice
- go to the upstaged supermegaawesomereally HUGE youtube gathering
- try and find an acting job
- have/go to a beach party
- go to Sin City with Rosie
- make ammends with Brandon and regain our friendship
- come back to God
- apply for SG and then look into it further if accepted
- stare at the stars with someone
- try and go to soul survivor so as to not break my tradition
- try and decide vaguely on a uni without just the want of being closer to Scotland

I may add more, but that's the list so far.
I want to get some things done this summer and these are them.

Anna

word vomit.

I'm tired. Physically, mentally, and in every way possible exhausted.
And yet, it's quarter to five in the morning as I write this and I can't find the determination to sleep. I literally feel as though if I tried to sleep, despite my exhaustion, I wouldn't be able to.

I read Alex's blog. It made me think about a lot of things.
ONE, I have a very big mouth and, for some reason, enjoy the thrill of embarrassing others by sharing something they said to only me in front of other people.
Or, perhaps this is just Alex. He told me my best guy friend was hot. Like really hot, and he meant it. But we both agreed that a lot of the people we know, internet and not, are some of the most beautiful people because they're normal. Not conventional, as such, just the kind of person you'd meet down your road, a friend you've had forever and never noticed, someone you met in the park some random summer evening. Beautiful.

Neil is like this. Neil is the epitimy of this, he is my boy next door - living literally round the corner from me. We argue, he's inconsiderate, I'm rather rude to him, we're there for each other always, he hates that despite his - perhaps - higher inteligence I can still out smart him with mere wit. Everything I hate about him, I love, and vice versa. The worst thing of all? I know that whether I showed up on his door step in ten minutes or ten years, he'd still hug me, he'd still look at me the way he always does, and he would still want to kiss me. Yeah, there was a two year period where our friendship was not this complicated.

I think he see's me as even more desireable now, compared to before. Because now, whatever my past and previous 'chosen lifestyle' - as he so delicately put it - I've got Chris. I'm completely committed to someone who's 600 odd miles away from me and he the only guy who fills my thoughts, I have no urge for anyone else.
Speaking of my lovely past, today at work we somehow got into a conversation about how many people we'd slept with. Now, this used to be something I'd boast about, when the number was lower. I am not, in any way, proud of how I used to be. I was a bit of a slut in my own right, but did it with such subtlety after a while that no one noticed, that started off as something I did because I realised they were private things. Then, it was out of shame. I became so ashamed of the way I lived that I stopped telling my best friends when I had sex. Now, I don't know if you've ever been a teenage girl before but, this is something you tell in detail to your close friends and giggle and compare and... I stopped doing it.
Thing is, on being told that I had, not proudly, slept with more people than the girl who engaged the conversation, she turned around and said, "How could YOU have slept with more people than ME?"
Wow.
I think she kind of gave herself the answer through her question.

But this got me thinking, I didn't used to be a very nice girl. And then something happened. I'm not even sure what, it wasn't a defining moment, it wasn't a particular experience, I just suddenly sat there listening to Rosie talk about her sex life and the many boys she juggles - bless her - and I suddenly burst out, "Rosie, I don't remember who with or when the last time I had sex was!" I realise this sounds like a terrible statement, but it meant I had stopped thinking about it, I wasn't interested, I wasn't keeping count anymore - only a bastard keeps count. Anyway, soon after that it became kind of horrible to sit there and listen to people talk about sex. Not only did I have no interest, in even the topic, I had no desire to hear about it, talk about it, or even think about it. The mere idea made me cringe. Then... then it became a few months and now it's been 6. And I still have very little desire to have sex. Well... weird topic right now.


My friend Jem has serious issues with people, letting them in, trusting them, etc. Her current view on relationships is secretly, and only to me, very bleak. Which is apalling because she has a boyfriend who loves her very much and she loves him too.
On friday she told me the news that a couple we knew from her local had split up. Two years, living together and engaged, and it just ended, just like that. I was genuinely shocked, neither of us saw that one coming. Jem's view on this was that you never knew when something's going to end, when some one's going to one day stop loving you or when things might change.
I was absolutely, I think disgusted is the right emotion, at actually maintaining those thoughts about relationships. It's like going into one and thinking that it's not going to last - what the fuck is the point??
It made me a little scared that it is just easy for people to stop feeling the same way, emotions can change. But, relationships are also about trust and commitment, especially one with the amount of distance me and Chris have. I wouldn't have kept this up with him for this long if I didn't want it to last, or if I wasn't serious about it and I know he wouldn't either. I just can't imagine how somone could have those pessimistic views on life, love and people and be happy; you wouldn't be. And that's sad.


MARATHON BLOG! Major thought, my bad.
This took me half an hour to write. Crumbs.

Anna

Untitled

Alex pointed out to me that four hours after I posted my 'Sell Out?' entry, claiming that for the next three posts I would put up a photo as well, I did not follow through with my plans. Even more annyoing thing was that when he began pointing this out to me, he expected me to catch on to what he was getting at. Nope. No clue, never say you're going to do stuff basically - ya don't. If you're me that is. Or a youtuber - either way, you're going to lose. At what? Well, I'm not sure. And now I'm just rambling, but I do rather enjoy a good ramble.
It was Ben's birthday today. Well, I got a lovely phone call during my napping - absolutely exhausted - from Mhairi's phone. Girl on the other end who sounded not much like Mhairi and sniggering in the background. Not only do I not find stuff like that REALLY imature, I also do not see the point or comedic value in it. So when I answered rather dead pan - just got woken up - and then Laura goes, no it's not really Mhairi! They all burst out laughing like it was the most hilarious thing ever, I bet it was Tom's idea. I was like, 'Oh, really?? Couldn't have guessed!'
Seriously, piss off, grow up, stop being such fucking children. Oh, and thanks for reminding me further that I'm not up there where I'd love to be. Yeah, that was a nice little reminder. I hated the fact already that Chris said he was going out with everyone and I felt a weird senstation of *why wasn't I going as well?* This is, obvsiously, a very stupid question but I can't really explain it any more.
THEN they asked for Ben's number. Now, this is all good and well if I knew they were friend's with him, but I don't. As far as I know, he's an aqquaintence that they know off the internet, and it's just a little weird asking for someone's number when I still find it somewhat strange that even I have it. Plus, Ben - for the most part - keeps himself to himself. So, when I objected, saying I didn't want to just randomly give out his number they didn't seem too impressed. Once again, piss off, especially if that's the only reason you're ringing me - not at all cause you'd like to talk to me. Nice.
I did actually text him earlier asking if Mhazz could have it, but only just remembered that I forgot to send it on to her, oh well - she'll survive.



SOOOO unprepared for exam, absolutely shitting myself. Sinead rang, which was lovely. And then Chris rang, and I was all tears and throat closing up, woe is me. But seriously, I will probably fail. Which is lovely.
He did calm me down though, nice little pep talk. I miss him so much... Sinead said should I fail, I can just come live up there, which made me smile a bit.
Anyway, I need to sleep and before that I need to read a play.

Anna

Sorry, what?

Now, I'll be honest. I couldn't give two shits about Amy Winehouse. And normally if somewhere brings her up in conversation I'd be like, oh yeah she's pretty good, bit of a mess but whatever. Because...? I don't care.

BUT when you take a perfectly amazing song by the legendary Michael Jackson (kiddy-fiddler or not, he was amazing), Beat It, and sound like you're gargling something horrible along to a song that you don't know the words to, sounding and looking as if you're on some sort of drug induced fit or surreal experience that noone else can see, you should be shot.

Every word and note sung by that woman in that LIVE performance was painful to my precious, and apparently snob-like, ear drums. She officially destroyed it. And Charlotte Church didn't do much for it either; the girl can see but she's wooden. All in all, I really do think some one should cut out her vocal chords, because after that disgusting display of them I don't think she should be allowed to TALK ever again, let alone sing.

EDIT: You know that episode of South Park when Britney Spears shoots her face off? But manages to stay alive. Yeah, it's like that!

Take a look for yourself:

lulz

There was this kid I went to school with called Dave and he's black; he was my mate back in the day but not so much anymore. I'm not so sure what he's like now but, back then, he was very reactive to anything that could've been in the slightest bit racist, but most of the time not in a serious way - he'd deliberately pick up on EVERYTHING and anything you said to catch you off gaurd and make you feel a little uncomfortable. People who didn't know him, that was always hilarious!


So, one day I'm with him and couple more mates and I turn to him with my packet of sweets and say, "Minstrel?"
He went to take one and then just looked up. Needless to say, that moment was so good I could've had sex with it.


Jimmy, Alex and Nick are the influences of this blog. Bit of a theme tonight.

Anna

Procrastination

I think I'm going to be up for a long time because I've still got to finish three assignments, THREE!
I'm well procrastinating, by listening to VLR and leaving voice comments to be in it.
In one of the episodes he talks about people who asked to be on it, and I asked to be on it, so I wonder if I'm one of them or he just discounted me cos I'm not that interesting =[
That's bollocks, conversations with me are amazing. Well, conversations between me and Alex are pretty funny anyway =DD

He's coming to see me tomorrow, which is wicked, I'm well excited. I've got to pick him up at like 3:30 from my train station so, that should be interesting.
And my gig is tomorrow too, I really need to learn my songs. Oh gosh WHY IS THE INTERNET SO ADDICTIVE!?

Anna

Sell Out?

I didn't think so, but I was told I was.

This is simply going up because it was the first photo I took on my laptop after actually finding out how to use the webcam - because I'm a wee bit slow. AND because I decided my blog was a bit bare of photos. So, for the next three, I'm going to put photos in them.

FUCKING YEAH!

VLR = SEX

I'm currently listening to the first episode in the second series of Vaguely Live Radio.
Starring one of my amazing friends Alex, and possibly the sexiest man ever - Jimmy. Which is nerimon and jimmy0010, but you should know that already.

They mentioned the new law about drinking on the subway, which Alex spoke about with complete confusion and apparent ignorance to it, which I thought was very silly because the law came into practice the day after the gathering, both gatherings in fact because some one who was at the one in London was telling us about the crazy antics going on in the underground while there. And this disscussion only came up because we were talking about how pathetically rubbish the London gathering was going to be in comparison to the Glasgow one on that same day, as Alex was there at the time, I found it a little strange that he doesn't remember this disscussion. It made me want to interrupt their conversation mid-flow and remind him of this conversation which took place in Mhairi's bedroom. I did actually start talking and then realised that not only could he NOT hear me but I was talking to my laptop in an empty room.

Anna

FUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!

"You chose to be in a long distance relationship, so if you're going to be in one, then be in one."

That may possibly be the most stupid thing that has ever parted from my mother's lips. I'm finally happy, and she's cynical and rude and harsh and doesn't want me seeing the thing that is making me this happy.

Fuck. Off.

OH!

My mother just presented me with three new prospectus' for universities to look about at. All of them speficially related to an acting type big thing.... Yeah, I'm terrible at explaining this.
Basically, they're all connected through the same kind of program. The three of them were Glasgow, Cardiff and London - East 15.

So, it's really giving me a lot of options. I told my most favourite boy ever - hmm - Neil that I was thinking about and looking at Cardiff and he was like, "Oh, don't come here because I go here!"
PFFT!!? If I was going to go anywhere because of anyone right now it would be Glasgow for Sinead and Chris, self-centered prick. Thinks my world revolves around him, I don't think he honestly realises that apart from last week, I haven't even bothered for AGES with him because I know it's pointless. Git. Really pisses me off some times.


I'm gunna eat some fish food ice cream, yummmm!
Also, if anyone has any advice for uni's it's very welcome =]

Anna

free laptop?

I forgot to mention, yesterday me and two of my friends went into town to get some food in our break. We were walking down the high street and suddenly had a guy, standing outside some phone shop, asking us about getting a new contract, we carried on walking and he yells after us, 'Free laptop!?', and we were like, yeah right mate! Then had some one walk up and give us all a free loaf of bread. Our response to this free item was more along the lines of 'WTF!? Free bread?? That's awesome!'
Yes, we did realise how wrong the situation was.
It was weird though, huge lorry full of loaves of Hovis, about 20 people standing around in Hovis teeshirts, chucking bread at people - no, not literally - and two guys in big suits... bread suits. Need I say more?

Weird...

small amount

I decided I don't have enough videos.
Which really distressed me. So, tonight I'm going to super explore how to work the camera on my new laptop, because currently I'm completely lost.
I also decided, when in the car with my mates and listening to Muse, that either on sunday - or as soon as I can - I'm going to get on the train and go to either Southampton or Bournemouth, somewhere where I don't really know my way around. I'm then going to take my birthday money and buy myself a new mp3 player, a big pair of head phones - because I'm cool - and a cd that I wouldn't normally buy from a band that I don't know or not know that well after being advised by someone in the store that they're good. Customer or worker. I want someone completely rnaomd to influence my music taste and have an impact on what I'm listening to right now. Bit like how Karl did.
Me and him are hanging out next friday, I'll need to remind him so he doesn't bail on me. It'll be good, finish my last exam and then hang out with a guy who totally gets me without even trying - he rekindled my love for John Mayer.

I ALSO realised how much I missed Sinead the other day when Rosie said that she wasn't going to be able to come out for the whole night on monday. I bribed her in the end but, still, she's my Mhairi. And it made me miss Sinead so much. And everyone up there. And everyone everywhere. Permenant reminder on my wrist that they're around.

We have Zelda on wii. Good Lord I AM EXCITED!

And it's my brother's birthday today. I do love him lots. I've missed him when he's at uni, glad he's back.

Anna

nothing comes from nothing

One of the first lines from King Lear, spoken by him when he asks what his third daughter Cordelia has to say or give to show her love for him and she simply tells him, 'nothing'.
Not because she doesn't love him, just because she doesn't feel she needs to show it through big words and materialistic shallowness, and her other two sisters do merely because they wish to inherit. The King should have looked at which he loved the most and it would have definitelycould've avoided going insane, almost losing the throne, having his friend's eyes cut out, having all his daughters die. Fun times in Shakespeare. But what a poet he was - for a dead white guy.
Why all the Shakespeare tragedy talk?
I have an exam next week, this stuff is kinda on the brain 24/7. Along with every aspect of how I would do a production of The Beggars Opera. Seriously, ask me anything about how I would put it on and I could probably tell you.

I've got to leave for college in about ten minutes. I'm still in bed. It's fine, I'll finish this off and then get ready super mega wicked awesome quick. OH! So, I finished Hex, bloody disappointment. For such a good series you'd think they'd give it a better 'are we ending this are we not?' Well, yes, you are ya dickheads but you could've left it a little more resolved. Maybe a two hour episode for the last one. After all, it is the last one you ever did. Wankers.
Then yesterday I watched all the episodes of Secret Diary of a Call girl. Very good, Billie Piper, she turned out alright, Doctor Who did wonders for her standing; now everyone loves her. So, I finished that, now I want something else, something that really grabs me. Preferably something that's a little sci-fi, or just weird. Hmm.


OH OH OH! HAVEN'T LOST MY JOB!! This is amazing news. Cassie phoned up this morning and told me that I can be rotared afterwards and all shall be fine. I suspect that this is because they're training up three new girls and still need me if they can hang on to me. Then I mentioned that I had wanted to have off the week before my holiday as well (Chris drunkenly telling me to come see him, we decided then would be good, ugh. Probably won't even happen) "But if that's not okay then don't worry about it."
"I'll see what I can do and if I can avoid giving you hours then I will."

YAY! Right, college. Fun.

Anna

"I'm never drinking that much again..."

Nah, I didn't say that. And, no, I probably wouldn't do that. And, lastly, no, I didn't drink THAT much. A lot; enough to make me post a stupid, stupid post that makes me sound like a moron. Ugh, I am not that cutesy, not publicly, not with Chris - we're adorable in private and some times unintentionally around others. But most of the time just abusive, it's a caring and understanding relationship. Heh.

My apologies for that though, I'm actually disgusted with myself because despite having drunk far too much because a drink was being constantly shoved in my hand, I was actually shockingly reserved for me. Drunk me actually isn't very different to sober me, except I'm a lot more openly loving. And a lot more blunt. And a lot more likely to kiss Rosie. Goodness, it's only just come back to me....

Right, so pretty much everyone who said they would come along to my birthday outing did not. Two who asked last minute came along, which was lovely because they're awesome. My uncle, cousin, Rosie, Tom who I only asked a couple of days ago, Jemma who left at 9 cos she felt ill and... Rosie's work mate and his mate. So, weird little mixture, and not what I expected as loads of people said they'd come along, had a good night none the less. When we got to Route though it was dead, so we went straight out for a cigarette and who did I see maning the outside smoking area but Jesse! My ex is so lovely. For the first time I ever he said some very rude things to me and around other people, the cheek of him! But he seems to be doing well and I'm glad I saw him again, I've missed the dude. He told me he had wanted to do my first tattoo but I told him he could do my next one and he said I've always got a place to stay should I be in London. Gotta love that man.


I finished watching Hex. WTF!!!!?????

Also, side note, stopped smoking unless drinking. I'm doing well because unless I'm drinking, I have absolutely no desire to smoke whatsoever. It's a very nice feeling.

Anna

Route 66

A very nice club down my way.

Awesome night =]] yay yay yay.

I'm very drunk, and very much in like of Chris. I need him!!!

bzzzzzz

There's lots of flies in my room.

I'm not liking it that much, I'll be honest.
I'm three episodes away from finishing watching the entire two seasons of Hex. Good lord, every episode is an hour long - I'm dying!
And now I'm not tso where were you on monday huhired, so I'm talking to Chris. And this guy called Mike from Canada who I've spoken to for six or more years, we're discussing pangea and the option of reformation =]

Gotta love that.

Anna

HAPPY FEET

Anyone who knows me well, and I mean WELL - plus anyone who's heard what music is on my phone recently, will know how much I LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE Happy Feet.

So, it was to my immense happiness and joy today to find the Happy Feet game on the wii.
I was so joyful, I decided it was to be the first thing spent with my birthday money. Good show.

Anna

Partners

I would just like to voice my extreme dislike for people who become partner's when they do not deserve it.
The people who do deserve it, well that's just ovbious.

I'm going to make a video about this, rant time = YAY

I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners, I hate partners.



Right. Good.

Anna

Boys

Answer me this in the comments for this post.
Out of curiosity, when a girl decides she is happy being single, or finds that she is only interested in one person, or has a boyfriend, does she then accumulate a VERY LARGE florescent sign above her head with odd Jedi powers, that says,

"HIT ON ME!"

?

A yes, or no, or further explanation would be very much appreciated.

Thank you, Anna

Hairs

I found a grey one.
Well, no, I found a white one.
But I like these kind of hairs. They're half the lighter shade of my hair colour and half white, it's interesting. And I like them because I know I can pick them out because they're just where the hair has lost its pigment - poor little hair. I think it's cool.

So my mummy came in and we spoke to Gary - head of department - and I think everything will be fine. Bloody woman who is also head of department (BARELY) wanted me to re-do the year. Fuck that. And fuck her, she's horrible to me and I don't even know why.
Well, no, I do know why - I haven't done her work and haven't been to loads of lessons, but she's taking it well personally. I've been fucking ILL woman! You've seen me walk home from college after missing your lesson ONCE, and you saw me two days ago in college looking completely unconcerned after not going to your lesson that day either. I had an EXAM. I have PANIC ATTACKS during exams, you really think I'm going to go to your lesson before an exam? Because I really don't, I didn't even realise I had to go to lessons when I had exams. Oh, and my mother would quite happily tell you to piss off if she knew you got arsey about that because she was the one who took me home to calm me the hell down! (Quick insert that I love my mother)
I swear she's just an idiot. She's not even a good lecturer.

Ugh, ok, rant over.

But yay I get to carry on with college

Anna

phonecall

I love Chris' mum.
She's lovely.

My future

For a brief moment in my day I had to think about the fact that my future could be completely destroyed when I had just gained a plan for it. lots of people in my class today were told that they were being kicked out or that they were on the shit list and needed to improve to ensure they came back next year and did well. I was told, and I really wasn't expecting this, that I would not be coming back to continue the second year of my course next year.
Gary has this way of telling you bad things, you know he isn't telling you this stuff to be mean of vindictive or because it's a personal thing. You feel a little comforted, but I still ended up crying my eyes out.
Andy, on the other hand, is alright at telling you stuff but cannot, by any means, handle sobbing females. And in my state I just thought he was a prick, he wouldn't even look at me and he barely said a thing. It was in that situation that I had to understand that he IS my lecturer, but it was strange because I wanted him to give me a hug, comfort me like a friend would. Which is silly, because he is just my lecturer, and until I finish college he always will be. But, at the same time, I think today he saw me as an older person. Some one who isn't just a little girl, who obviously fancies him, probably because I don't anymore. Attached to him a lot, but not in the same way I used to be.

Anyway, later on in the day Gary came over to me while I was sitting there thinking about what the hell i was supposed to do, at that point he had said I might have been able to re-do the first year, and he knelt next to me and asked me if I was alright. DUH. He then said that I was a valued student, had lots of potential and he could tell by my reaction that this really meant a lot to me. That he had my future education, career and in general my life in mind of what he was going to do. We chatted for a bit and he suggested that I might be able to do the second year and just re-take the units I had done badly on. Which is an awesome option!

So, all in all it's been a very emtional day in the aspects of my life.
Chris was very supportive.

My parents.... aren't mad? Weird.

Anna

Fall Out Boy?

Their cover of Beat It is shockingly good. To cover a song that legendary it'd have to pretty amazing and I'd say, for the most part, most bands would not be able to pull it off. BUT it's actually a damn good cover. Well done pop rock.

I realised this morning that I had Mhairi's top still. I accidentally packed it in my bag because it was underneath another one of my tops, oops.
I'll have to send it back to her, but I love it so much!! :(
Oh well, it is her's after all I suppose.

Last night I texted Chris telling him that I was going to get a lion teddy and call it Chris because I missed him and the tiger called Chris at Mhairi's house. We were discussing what cuddley toy he could get that reminded him of me and I asked my mum, she didn't know why but she thought of a koala. I told this to Chris and he said this...
"Tbh, I think a bear would do a better job of reminding me of you. And I don't mean a teddy."

Charming boy that he is... When I said I didn't find this very complimentary he then replied with...
"Only in terms of relative size. It'd be a lovely bear. A very pretty and sexy bear. Not that I fuck bears or anything. Do you have a shovel I could borrow?"

Goodness, I do love him sometimes.

Anna

MEGA LOLZ

Sinead: OMG I HAD AN EPIPHANY! Chris is ur ginger beast and ur his amazon woman! :P

I love her.

PANIC ATTACKS SUCK

I went into college today with every intention of getting in some extra revision before my exam this afternoon...
BUT I get there for like ten minutes and I start freaking out, I sent a text to my mother-something along the lines of me freaking out and how I couldn't do it and blah de blah blah. She calls me, tells me to hang on, hangs up and then calls me back again about a minute later. She left work, picked me up and took me home to look for my notes, which I had suddenly realised I'd lost. Searched everywhere and eventually decided to just fuck it and re-write them up in the time I had, they wouldn't be as good as the one's I had but because it would be fresh in my mind, all would be ok-ish.
After I'd finished my note writing up my mummy took me to the health food store. We were recommended Rescue Remedy, you put three drops of this alcohol tasting stuff on your tongue and you're good to go. I could swear by this stuff. I went into my exam completely chilled out, sat there and got told everything completely calm, started the exam completely calm, did everything and answered all the questions completely calm. It was THE weirdest thing ever because panic attacks are general my thing anyway, especially in exams, and yet I was just like,"Oh okay, cool. Fun times, I'm doing an exam, I feel a little monged out and these questions are easy to alright. Cool. Exams are fun" stupid smile permanently slapped across my face!

WARNING: EXAMS ARE NOT FUN!!!

So I feel I did alright.

Oh right, so I kinda forgot to mention that I got my nose pierced and got tattoo. To which my mum said loads of stuff about how if it was on her she would cry because it looks horrible, and that if I add anything to it I should get it fixed because that's not how tattoos look and loads of stuff about how it looks like a child drew it on.
Well, as you can imagine, I didn't like that a huge amount.
The other day she apologised. And I just asked why. She said it was because it was unhelpful and unnecessary. I'm glad she apologised.

So I went to Glasgow and came back 18 (nurrrrh!), nose pierced and tattooed, and.... a boyfriend? Not sure there, I'm gunna go with yes. OH good lord I don't know and don't want to bring it up. And now this is going to be seen as bringing it up. For fuck sake, there is NO OUTLET!!! Well, fuck it. Whatever. Goodness I miss him though.

Anna

NOT YUMMY

Why the creators of the new Twisted creme ege bar think that the advert makes their new product come across as yummy and appealing, is COMPLETELY beyond me.
What should be a tastey creme egg treat that lasts longer than the original, instead is made to look just... disgusting!
Why would I want to injest something that looks like it would creme me if I tried? And even though that sentence was filled with innuendo, if you enjoy that kinda thing when that kinda thing can aparently destroy a hairdryer, there is something wrong with you.

Bad form creme egg, bad form.

Absence makes the heart...

grow fonder?
Well, that's lovely. 'Cause it's fucking breaking mine. I'm pretty sure that if that little phrase had never come about I wouldn't consider how much it's killing me that gc is so fucking far away. Which is, of course, bullshit, but it makes me feel better knowing that I can blame it on a stupid phrase. Despite all our affection towards each other, people still don't seem to realise that when we argue, for the most part, we're just kidding around; we have a special kind of relationship. My word, he does have quite a large affect on me.
He came to the airport with me, otherwise I would've been on my own, which I thought was really sweet of him =] and it said my flight was delayed until 9 when it was supposed to be at 8:40, so we're happily whiling away the time and suddenly it was half past, I jump up to check if it's changed at all and it was on time again! So I had ten minutes to get to the gate. It was horrible because it felt like we had no real goodbye, I just had to go. I watched him walk up the stairs as I went towards departures, he was doing very well at not looking back at me. I walked through and starting tearing up just before the woman told me I couldn't take through my un-opened bottle of strawberry flavoured water through, she then noticed I was crying and was hugely apologetic. Bless, I let her know through quiet sobs that that wasn't the reason I was weeping, put her mind at rest a little.

Right, something that's been bugging me for a while; it's not that I read anyone else's blog in hopes that they may mention me, because it's not. And I do not, by any means, think that I'm on people's minds enough for them to think to mention me anyway, BUT it really does bug the hell out of me that Alex is all Mhazz this Mhazz that, blah de fucking blah. All the time. I mean, she's amazing, yes, and I understand that they're very good friends but we're good mates too and he's hung out with me too over this past week - which never happens! Because, and I can't believe I'm about to write this, when I'm not around and if I don't prompt it first, he forgets about me. At least, that's what it feels like.

I hate the accents around here. They actually sound just horrible.
And now I really miss the Scottish accent, strange to me but lovely sounding in comparison to the Portsmouth accent. And it's not even like I have one, so everyone I was with over the week has completely the wrong idea of what it's like because I have this horribly posh neutral accent with my strange little drawl of American every now and then.

I said 'Aye' in response to someone earlier. Good lord, I am so easily affected by these things.

Right, I just checked. I can blame Thomas Haynes Bayly for the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" in a poem he wrote called Isle of Beauty in 1844. Bastard. Stupid romantic shit...

You can get flights to Glasgow for like £30, where the fuck was I paying SO MUCH?

ALSO!! My parents bought me a laptop, with a webcam, and wifi =DD Yay yay yay. Best birthday yet.

Anna