Tuesday 29 September 2009

A shock

Today my Grandfather died.

I miss my family more than ever. I have never felt so far away, being at uni has suddenly become difficult. I wish I could just be with my parents and be there to cry with and comfort my Daddy.

He was a great man, and shall be missed greatly.

Monday 14 September 2009

Slowly destroyed

I have never cried so much in my life than I have in the last two weeks.

I'm upset to go, but staying is destroying me.

Either way, I have a reputation to uphold, and it's proving more difficult than I thought. When the world thinks that you perceive yourself to be better than others, even if you don't there is no convincing them. I believe myself to be no more perfect than anyone else just because I have faith, humanity is flawed, myself doubly so.

I wish I didn't care, but I do.

Thursday 3 September 2009

The inspiration

I consider myself dramatic, in pretty much every aspect of my life. It's not something I always choose, you can only help who you are some of the time. Ambiguity is a good talent too, huh?
So, recently I'm all over the place. Happy, sad, happy, sad - I can't cut my emotions a break, my brain must be on a the edge of a mental breakdown with all the thoughts flying through it, constantly contradicting each other, bloody hell. So much is going on that I can't seem to pin down one feeling at a time.
But since I met a stranger, who moved me more than any of the people in my life ever have done, I kinda feel like I'm in limbo, and everything is just.. cool. I don't think this person will ever know quite how much their influence has stuck with me; they weren't even trying. In one moment I suddenly saw what I needed to do, the drive that was required, to do what I want to do with my life. The musical aspect, anyway. But it all runs into everything else. I'm gunna take up guitar, finally and try my very hardest to quit smoking because now it's something that I really want to do, instead of something I know I should do.
All the time now music is running through my head, all mashed up into one big musical amazement, which makes no sense whatsoever and I am flippin' loving it. Everything is inspirational, everything is something I can write a song about, I have an entire discography forming in my head.

This all sounds crazy and honestly, if you could get inside my head, that query would definitely be confirmed. But I'd like to thank, and always will, the man who inspired me by doing nothing at all, bearing part of his soul on stage to a group of.. mostly underage teeny-bopper fangirls, and me. Thank you to the man who merely said, "hello", and gave me a gift.
I remain, no fangirl, but definitely a fan.

Greg Holden, thank you. Listening to you in a dingy London venue changed me.