Luke Francis

On Monday morning I got dropped off home early in the morning by my friend. I was content, and happy and didn't have a care in the world. My parents opened the door to me and I sat down to have breakfast with my Mummy before she dashed off to work. She had the news on and she was reading... I don't understand quite how she expects to take either in, but whatever. I heard brief outlines of the accident that had happened Sunday morning, a boy had fallen off his bike and died due to the head injuries. They mentioned his name, "Luke Francis", I stopped what I was doing, "What!?"
My Mum didn't really know what to do, I was screaming at the tv. Especially when they showed the picture of him, "NO!"
Over and over again, all I could say was 'no'.

I calmed slightly, phoned up Rosie, she had been asleep. Had she heard? No. I told her. She was in as much shock as I was. My parents left for work, I cleaned up my breakfast stuff and went back to bed. When I woke up there were a few moments of clarity when I forgot what had happened, what I had found out. And then it sunk back in and seemed to hit me even harder than before.
The day was just a long procession of things to keep me distracted and to prevent me from sitting around looking and feeling miserable. When I was standing at the train station to Chichester I felt the burning eyes of people looking at me, clearly looking a little distressed, every now and then seeming as though I might burst into tears. I wanted to tell everyone I passed what had happened, maybe then they'd understand. What I wanted them to understand, I don't know, but it was killing me that people were going about their ordinary lives without a care. And why shouldn't they? But it was driving me insane.
Since I found out I've been over thinking again, like before, it can dangerous to linger in it for too long though. My Mum's worried about me already, I can tell.
I went round to my friend's house, Dom, in the evening and we just sat around watching crap and talking about all the memories we had of him and everything about back then. Reminiscing was nice. But then, the only memories I have of Luke are good ones, clearly my memory's being kind. But to be honest, Luke was amazing. He was funny and energetic and insane and everyone thought he would live forever; all the stupid things he'd done before, we thought he was invincible.


Sunday 23rd November 2008 - RIP Luke Francis.

jobsjobsjobs

Interview today, trial shift tomorrow.
Two different places - I'm very excited.
I really should get ready, I'm going to run out of time otherwise.... Hm.

Last night was a bust, moved on to Sunday night instead.
It's just hard keeping lots of secrets.

Ambiguity much?
What a pointless post.

Shocked

Today I was in the car with my Dad listening to the amazing musical composition that is Teardrop, by Massive Attack. Now, I could handle my father not knowing the song. Not knowing the band was... surprising, but still, okay. BUT THEN!

Dad "Where did you get this song?"
"I downloaded it"
"From where?"
"Limewire, why?"
"It sounds really badly recorded."
"What? How does it?"
"That crackling noise."
*codfish moment*
"...Dad, that's an old record sound effect."
"Oh. What's the point?"
"What's the point of a guitar?"
"To make a sound."
"Right."

Wow.

My advice

Think about the decisions you make in your life before you make them. Although impulse is a good thing to live by, it can often take you down paths that you don't like when you get to the end.

I don't want anyone else to feel the way I have done about the various choices I've made in my life. People don't say it enough, you really need to think first.

Optimism

When I got my headache last week that didn't go away, my good mood spree disappeared because I felt like I had shrugged anything bad that had happened in long time and just decided to be okay about it. Now, you guys don't know this because I haven't posted in a while, but I was actually in a really good place with myself. Nothing really got me down, and even if it did, I was okay pretty quickly.
But everything got on top of me and I felt like I couldn't cope anymore, so I just got upset a lot. Which is understandable around the time of my being fired and then the headache. The never ending headache! Which, luckily, is pretty much gone.
I hope it's not just that the painkillers are in my system still so that's why I'm okay, but yeh - morphene level painkillers for the win!

BUT I'm finally in a good place again, so... good stuff.
I'm looking forward to every day this week. I'm really looking forward to the weekend too, soo... WOO.

idiotswhoworkontrains

I really hate it when I enquire about something, probably quite important, for example:
"Do I get an 'any time day ticket' to come back tomorrow?"
"Yes."
Now, at the time I thought this was very helpful - thank you, oh annonymous train gaurd at one of my local stations!
NO!!!
It doesn't last for the next day, I was told incorrectly and as a result had to buy another single ticket. I DON'T HAVE A JOB, YOU UNHELPFUL PRICK.

But, I'm alright really, because I just came back from Ian's. So, despite the slight hiccough, yay for seeing people I love <33

This one took a while

I never get into the swing of things. My energy usually gets thrown into whatever new activity I'm doing and some things, as a result, suffer and often disappear from my attention, which is a shame.
A great shame.
College... It's okay. The class I've been moved into this year is incredibly different and a huge improvement from the one I was in last year. I still have the problem of the mere year age gap being oddly prominent, but for the most part I ignore it, there's no point in torturing myself. I'm slowly pushing my way into this group that's more like a family, I will create a place for myself, I need to. Jazz and Blues is the focus of this term and I'm loving it; I'm in college for three days a week but I love every single one of those days because each one gives me the chance to sing and that's all I want, all I've ever wanted in a college course to be honest. Who can complain...
Boys are a topic that I've just decided to drop. It's difficult, but what with my previous attachments not seeming to want to leave me, it's difficult to gain any new ones with sincerity. And boys just create a nuisance unless they're just friends, and I love my friends so just having friends for now is perfectly lovely. Another instinctive to do this is my faith, I need to bring my focus back to God, genuinely - I slipped too much and now I really and truly am trying so hard to stay on track.

So, I told you I got a job. That was amazing. I loved everything about it; place, location, people, everything. Saturday I was asked to leave.
Based on my performance when ill, which I didn't act up because I didn't want to seem like I was acting up, they decided I wouldn't be able to handle the pressure of the job when it became busier which it apparently would. So, they asked me to leave, no notice. Which... sucked. It still sucks. I am now jobless. Again. And going to something YouTube related, again. Which I can only just afford because I am unemployed, again.
History has a funny way of repeating itself, even more recent events in history.

Ian's on Saturday...
A smile stole across my face as I typed that sentence, I can't help it, and I can't stop it. The last time I saw anyone, apart from Jazza in Manc and Becky last weekend, was at NSG's 888 shindig.
Before that, my birthday in Glasgow. That feels so long ago now, so much has happened since then. I've watched some of the gathering videos from Unchliche, even watching something that I missed, I still get the same feeling as I do when I'm there for real. I can't really explain it. If you go, then you know and understand all too well the overwhelming feeling you get when you see all these people that you value so much, all in one place, doing things we'd do in our own time but with each other instead. I miss it, I miss the rush. Agh. I'm getting annoyingly soppy. For this kind of emotion, please see crying video. [ghey ghey ghey]

On Saturday, when I arrived home from seeing Becky in Portsmouth with some of her friends, I started having a really intensely painful headache. When I woke up the next day it was still there. Even now, still there. Monday evening I went to an emergency appointment at the doctors about it and they gave me antibiotics and Cocodamol. Should you ever experience ridiculously unrelenting intense pain, Cocodamol is your answer, unless of course you're dying or missing a limb or something equally unlikely. Cocodamol is like the superman of all painkillers, a mixture of Codine and Paracetamol. And the side effects are lovely too! So, the good news is that my intense headache is now a mild twinge in the background for the most part, the bad news is that to replace my headache I get lovely doses of nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, shaking and hot and cold flushes. They're not all the time, thank God, but every now and then when I'm feeling dandy and least expect it, there they are!
Scenario: Anna is getting ready for college, Anna is just about to leave the house, BOOM! Anna feels like she is going to throw up. Later...
Anna is in college between rehearsing and listening to the pleasant music being played by her fellow students, WAM! Anna almost falls over and passes out because suddenly she's dizzy. WHILST SITTING.

Damn side effects.