Literally minutes after posting my last entry, I read this in gc's.
"A lot of people would much rather psycho-analyse others, at a very amateur and rudimentary psychiatric level, as a way of distracting themselves from how fucked up they are themselves. If I wanted someone’s opinion on how my mind works and what I really need from life, I’d ask them. If not, then I’d suggest they iron out the problems of their own inner workings before jumping at the opportunity to criticise mine. Let’s see how bloody much they like it."
Yeah, you're right dude, I don't like it so much.
Wednesday 27 August 2008
Nothing to do
I have no job.
No money.
No activity to par take in during the day.
I can't afford to go out at night.
I spend my days alone and my nights with my family, but mostly alone.
I'm slowly getting used to this being alone business. Which terrifies me.
There are three things keeping me entertained right now,
-An entire episode and season run-through of The Hills on MTV.
-Watching streamed films on my laptop that I search for based on jumping from actors, directors and writers. (This had become addictive)
-And lastly, Mahjong Titans. It used to be spider solitaire, but I got bored with the thing cos I never lost but the next difficulty level was impossible. I was stuck in a limbo, it was unpleasant.
The Hills is mind numbing but, I like it. I always have done, really, but currently, I'm addicted. But if that isn't on, I'm left to the many wonders, archives and stupid search engines of the Internet. Expanding my knowledge on film new, old, well known and rare. I now know that Melissa Joan Hart created a fifteen minute short film about a young girl sabotaging her sister's wedding because she had had an affair with the groom.
Searching for said short film led me to find a young gentleman by the name of Del, and his blog.
Another thing that's keeping me sane. Two minutes into reading said material, I suddenly realised it was in fact two hours later. I'm not even sure if or how that sentence made any sense but the point I'm trying to make is, how time flies.
I wish someone would read this and share it with the world. Unfortunately, I think I have about five readers and so, they are the only world I'll be reaching with this. A world, however, I'd be very lonely and unhappy without.
It's funny how people want others to read their blogs and yet the concept of them is technically one of privacy. You want your private thoughts to be known to complete strangers, and that's alright? Chris once told me that his blog was for no more than general witty banter, which I have to say is very well written general banter, but all the same he's right, he doesn't want to share with anyone he doesn't know. I get that, because he barely shares with me. Then you have people like Alex who go into detail with how they're feeling, what they're thinking, the works, he writes down, not to sound cliche but, his soul. He pours out almost his everything. Now, if gc had the same amount of viewers I'm sure he'd have equal amounts of readers.
Reading gc's blog makes me smile and laugh to myself, it reminds me of how talented he is, lazy but talented. To an outsider, I would imagine it would make you want to know him more. Reading Alex's blog makes you feel like you already know him, it makes me feel closer to him after having not spoken in a while, it makes me feel as though I'm a part of his life when maybe we're both a bit distant. But either way, it makes me feel.
Intellectually stimulated? Or feeling? And those are the differences.
And then you have Mhazz who's just an insane little girl that I (and everyone else) adore. Her blog is somewhere in between. Emotion with little detail. Things she's thinking but only parts.
Mhairi and the way she writes is like a painting you have to look at for a while. Something to stare at to realise that a lot of energy and time and passion was put into it, but it explains nothing. You have to make up your own side.
I just psycho-analysed my friends by the way they type. Shoot me.
By the way, if you find the reason you're reading this is because you have nothing to do, much like myself and the subject of the blog you're currently reading, go on the website tv-links and search for a film called Wristcutters. Don't let the name fool you, this film is one of the most amazing pieces of creative output I have ever seen. Which may say something about my taste in movies, but whatever, you've got nothing to do.
No money.
No activity to par take in during the day.
I can't afford to go out at night.
I spend my days alone and my nights with my family, but mostly alone.
I'm slowly getting used to this being alone business. Which terrifies me.
There are three things keeping me entertained right now,
-An entire episode and season run-through of The Hills on MTV.
-Watching streamed films on my laptop that I search for based on jumping from actors, directors and writers. (This had become addictive)
-And lastly, Mahjong Titans. It used to be spider solitaire, but I got bored with the thing cos I never lost but the next difficulty level was impossible. I was stuck in a limbo, it was unpleasant.
The Hills is mind numbing but, I like it. I always have done, really, but currently, I'm addicted. But if that isn't on, I'm left to the many wonders, archives and stupid search engines of the Internet. Expanding my knowledge on film new, old, well known and rare. I now know that Melissa Joan Hart created a fifteen minute short film about a young girl sabotaging her sister's wedding because she had had an affair with the groom.
Searching for said short film led me to find a young gentleman by the name of Del, and his blog.
Another thing that's keeping me sane. Two minutes into reading said material, I suddenly realised it was in fact two hours later. I'm not even sure if or how that sentence made any sense but the point I'm trying to make is, how time flies.
I wish someone would read this and share it with the world. Unfortunately, I think I have about five readers and so, they are the only world I'll be reaching with this. A world, however, I'd be very lonely and unhappy without.
It's funny how people want others to read their blogs and yet the concept of them is technically one of privacy. You want your private thoughts to be known to complete strangers, and that's alright? Chris once told me that his blog was for no more than general witty banter, which I have to say is very well written general banter, but all the same he's right, he doesn't want to share with anyone he doesn't know. I get that, because he barely shares with me. Then you have people like Alex who go into detail with how they're feeling, what they're thinking, the works, he writes down, not to sound cliche but, his soul. He pours out almost his everything. Now, if gc had the same amount of viewers I'm sure he'd have equal amounts of readers.
Reading gc's blog makes me smile and laugh to myself, it reminds me of how talented he is, lazy but talented. To an outsider, I would imagine it would make you want to know him more. Reading Alex's blog makes you feel like you already know him, it makes me feel closer to him after having not spoken in a while, it makes me feel as though I'm a part of his life when maybe we're both a bit distant. But either way, it makes me feel.
Intellectually stimulated? Or feeling? And those are the differences.
And then you have Mhazz who's just an insane little girl that I (and everyone else) adore. Her blog is somewhere in between. Emotion with little detail. Things she's thinking but only parts.
Mhairi and the way she writes is like a painting you have to look at for a while. Something to stare at to realise that a lot of energy and time and passion was put into it, but it explains nothing. You have to make up your own side.
I just psycho-analysed my friends by the way they type. Shoot me.
By the way, if you find the reason you're reading this is because you have nothing to do, much like myself and the subject of the blog you're currently reading, go on the website tv-links and search for a film called Wristcutters. Don't let the name fool you, this film is one of the most amazing pieces of creative output I have ever seen. Which may say something about my taste in movies, but whatever, you've got nothing to do.
Sunday 17 August 2008
A change
For the better.
These unexpected two weeks have been the most influencial weeks of my life so far, or so I think. I feel refreshed, although ill, happy for the most part and even though I'm still having ups and downs, the downs are less frequent.
I've finally seen the things in my life that I need to change and this time, I actually want to.
God is good.
Some of you are going to really dislike this part of me but if it's something in my life that's keeping me up and happy and alright, then I don't see why or how it could be seen as a bad thing.
On a more horrid note, NO ONE has actually seemed to care that I've been gone, geez guys don't call or text at all, that's fine. Like, that really bugs me about some of my mates, they will just stop caring about some one unless they're around all the time or unless they're the ones making the effort, otherwise they just don't really give a crap. Not everyone, just some people. But, I am here on my own, so I am saying now that I'd really appreciate it if someone gave me a ring at some point, it's a bit lonely at times. Never past 12, though, I am not at all nocturnal here, I have to be making breakfast at 6:45. Yummy...
Also, youstage moving WHAT!? Some one please ring and explain.
Love love love love love LOOOVVVEEEE
These unexpected two weeks have been the most influencial weeks of my life so far, or so I think. I feel refreshed, although ill, happy for the most part and even though I'm still having ups and downs, the downs are less frequent.
I've finally seen the things in my life that I need to change and this time, I actually want to.
God is good.
Some of you are going to really dislike this part of me but if it's something in my life that's keeping me up and happy and alright, then I don't see why or how it could be seen as a bad thing.
On a more horrid note, NO ONE has actually seemed to care that I've been gone, geez guys don't call or text at all, that's fine. Like, that really bugs me about some of my mates, they will just stop caring about some one unless they're around all the time or unless they're the ones making the effort, otherwise they just don't really give a crap. Not everyone, just some people. But, I am here on my own, so I am saying now that I'd really appreciate it if someone gave me a ring at some point, it's a bit lonely at times. Never past 12, though, I am not at all nocturnal here, I have to be making breakfast at 6:45. Yummy...
Also, youstage moving WHAT!? Some one please ring and explain.
Love love love love love LOOOVVVEEEE
Sunday 10 August 2008
Soul Survivor
I leave in a few minutes, so this is pretty dashed, my rents are just making coffee for the journey there.
I have so much stuff. Odd that if you're camping on your own you seem to take as much with you as if there were four of you. I've been bought food by my parents and I'll be few while I'm there anyway for free, so that's nice. I'll come back a few stone heavier.
Right, anyway, I'll blog when I'm there I guess, at some point anyway.
Gotta go, right now! See ya, text me if you know it =]]]]
I'll appreciate it on my own tonight :)
BYE!
I have so much stuff. Odd that if you're camping on your own you seem to take as much with you as if there were four of you. I've been bought food by my parents and I'll be few while I'm there anyway for free, so that's nice. I'll come back a few stone heavier.
Right, anyway, I'll blog when I'm there I guess, at some point anyway.
Gotta go, right now! See ya, text me if you know it =]]]]
I'll appreciate it on my own tonight :)
BYE!
Friday 8 August 2008
IDEA!!!
I know who I'm going to give my voucher card thingy to.
I know he'll appreciate it and I already owe him more than I should. He's an awesome guy and completely legend.
I'll give it to him today, oh gosh! I can't repay enough for what he's done and currently I can't repay him at all. But I will! And this is just my way of promising that I will, I'm no thief.
I wonder if he reads this or not, hmm.. Well I suppose I'll just find out =]]
Ooo, excited!
I know he'll appreciate it and I already owe him more than I should. He's an awesome guy and completely legend.
I'll give it to him today, oh gosh! I can't repay enough for what he's done and currently I can't repay him at all. But I will! And this is just my way of promising that I will, I'm no thief.
I wonder if he reads this or not, hmm.. Well I suppose I'll just find out =]]
Ooo, excited!
Thursday 7 August 2008
a few things.
I applied for the partner programme today.
I used to be very anti it because of the availablity people had to it. They're 'screening process' is bollocks and mostly non-existant. I liked the days when you were only made partner when you truely deserved it, and those few tubers that were partners were BIG. They had worked their way up and earned it. Unless, of course, we're talking about Smosh who simply got their big break for being two hot geeks. Hm, the things girls and creepy men will do for hot geeks.
Anyway, when they introduced the partner programme I swore to myself that I wouldn't sign up until I thought I'd earned it. So, I've gotten to a point where I was in a slight stand still with my videos and I don't like that - signing up to be a partner is part of my 'be more determined' plan. I want to be more determined to make videos, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. And I want to prove that I deserve it, so, for me, it's like a self reward AND and insinctive.
I'm going to the Vlog in the Park tomorrow. About which, I am very excited. I know that this gathering, in which not many people are going to, will be completely different from the others because it's based in a completely different place, with different intentions. So, although some of the aspects will be the same, I hope lots to start a new trend of individuality for gatherings. They're becoming a bit tedious.
Am I the only one who thinks we have too many these days? I mean, I'm all for meeting up, go for it, I'd love to see everyone all the time if I could! But arranging these big events that end up lasting longer and longer is just exhausting, and I hate realising that I can't go. They're always so expensive.
Also, I get to see Alex tomorrow. MEGA YAY.
I miss that boy so much. I'm going up with Drew, check this boy out --> www.youtube.com/DREWSCRUFF
I used to be very anti it because of the availablity people had to it. They're 'screening process' is bollocks and mostly non-existant. I liked the days when you were only made partner when you truely deserved it, and those few tubers that were partners were BIG. They had worked their way up and earned it. Unless, of course, we're talking about Smosh who simply got their big break for being two hot geeks. Hm, the things girls and creepy men will do for hot geeks.
Anyway, when they introduced the partner programme I swore to myself that I wouldn't sign up until I thought I'd earned it. So, I've gotten to a point where I was in a slight stand still with my videos and I don't like that - signing up to be a partner is part of my 'be more determined' plan. I want to be more determined to make videos, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. And I want to prove that I deserve it, so, for me, it's like a self reward AND and insinctive.
I'm going to the Vlog in the Park tomorrow. About which, I am very excited. I know that this gathering, in which not many people are going to, will be completely different from the others because it's based in a completely different place, with different intentions. So, although some of the aspects will be the same, I hope lots to start a new trend of individuality for gatherings. They're becoming a bit tedious.
Am I the only one who thinks we have too many these days? I mean, I'm all for meeting up, go for it, I'd love to see everyone all the time if I could! But arranging these big events that end up lasting longer and longer is just exhausting, and I hate realising that I can't go. They're always so expensive.
Also, I get to see Alex tomorrow. MEGA YAY.
I miss that boy so much. I'm going up with Drew, check this boy out --> www.youtube.com/DREWSCRUFF
PRIZES!
And let's face it, everyone loves those.
I want to do some sort of competition style thing in which I give a prize to someone. This said prize has been lying around my house since Christmas because neither me, nor my brother knew what to do with it. Well, that's a bit of a lie, we knew what to do but we just didn't.
iTunes cards with £15 credit. As I only just got an ipod and David didn't have one at all, we weren't exactly hugely up on the idea of taking up more space on our computers by downloading iTunes for absolutely no purpose. However, now I have a laptop with iTunes and an ipod, so yay! I'm going to use one of the cards.
But one of the cards I'm going to give away. Because I'm a giving sort of person. I was just going to give it to Alex because he's all loving of music and I know he'd appreciate a gift from me, but no. Competition sounded more fun, sorry Alex! Now, I just need to think of one.
Hmm... This could take a while...
I want to do some sort of competition style thing in which I give a prize to someone. This said prize has been lying around my house since Christmas because neither me, nor my brother knew what to do with it. Well, that's a bit of a lie, we knew what to do but we just didn't.
iTunes cards with £15 credit. As I only just got an ipod and David didn't have one at all, we weren't exactly hugely up on the idea of taking up more space on our computers by downloading iTunes for absolutely no purpose. However, now I have a laptop with iTunes and an ipod, so yay! I'm going to use one of the cards.
But one of the cards I'm going to give away. Because I'm a giving sort of person. I was just going to give it to Alex because he's all loving of music and I know he'd appreciate a gift from me, but no. Competition sounded more fun, sorry Alex! Now, I just need to think of one.
Hmm... This could take a while...
Wednesday 6 August 2008
When.
Where is the line between someone you've met, friends, more than friends, and a relationship? And when does it become something that you're openly aware of? Most of the time, even if you're aware of a shift in status, the other person may not be. Then there's the lovely knowledge that you're both not going to discuss it.
What about having more feelings for someone than they do for you, or vice versa? Knowing you need to get out but you just can't shake them because either you're far too attached or you love the company and attention. Now, are you hurting yourself and the other person by staying close to them? Yes, probably. The worst part is you know it, so how do you equal the balance? Or, how do you let go without feeling like you've lost something?
Then, there's the lovely question of when can you become friends again after something's happened? I don't know. I never have done, because I want to think that I can be friends with everyone. So, with the other person there is little time of remorse and I simply move right back into friend status. As if nothing ever happened.
This, I've decided, is not a healthy route to go down. But, it's the only one I know. Being awkward and horrible isn't fun so keeping up appearances with smiles and nice gestures seems to be the only way I know how to handle such a situation.
I try to make other people happy. Especially when I know that I'm about to make them unhappy. Salvaging a situation, friendship and someone else's feelings, however, is a very hard thing to accomplish.
What about having more feelings for someone than they do for you, or vice versa? Knowing you need to get out but you just can't shake them because either you're far too attached or you love the company and attention. Now, are you hurting yourself and the other person by staying close to them? Yes, probably. The worst part is you know it, so how do you equal the balance? Or, how do you let go without feeling like you've lost something?
Then, there's the lovely question of when can you become friends again after something's happened? I don't know. I never have done, because I want to think that I can be friends with everyone. So, with the other person there is little time of remorse and I simply move right back into friend status. As if nothing ever happened.
This, I've decided, is not a healthy route to go down. But, it's the only one I know. Being awkward and horrible isn't fun so keeping up appearances with smiles and nice gestures seems to be the only way I know how to handle such a situation.
I try to make other people happy. Especially when I know that I'm about to make them unhappy. Salvaging a situation, friendship and someone else's feelings, however, is a very hard thing to accomplish.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
