After thought

I would like to state first, that this is obviously not fact - I don't think it is - but all my own opinion based on my own faith driven and moral beliefs and my life experience so far. My opinion is something which I am entitled to, and my opinion does not make me an idiot. Thanks.
Now, please continue.

After my last post I've been thinking a lot (and the comment left on it). Mostly about the fact that I'm thinking a lot, but not saying my thoughts. Not even here, because for a long while I felt like I couldn't because of my audience, not that I'm even really aware of who reads this anymore, if anyone.
And so, I say with all my heart, the world is kind of retarded when it comes to dating and relationships. Growing up we all feel the need to be in a relationship when most of us aren't ready for the type of commitment a relationship should really have. Most couples don't even have that level of commitment when they're are in their twenties, so why even try in your teens.
Fair enough, I've known and seen a few relationships that have started young and maintained themselves until marriage and are still going strong; my aunt and uncle just celebrated their 25th anniversary, and she was only 17 when they were married. But, for me, I just don't really understand the point of dating until I fully understand myself and feel ready for it. And when I say ready for it, I mean prepared for a relationship with someone that will lead to marriage.
Yes, marriage.
Now, that statement may sound a WEE BIT extreme for all you casual daters out there, but let me put it this way, why be in a relationship with someone when you can't see it going anywhere? In my mind, there is no point, you're just killing time, and you'll probably just end up hurting yourself and the other person if you can't see a future in it. Not to mention, most people kinda give pieces of themselves away when they get close to someone, and then if that doesn't work, you're left with less and less to give each time - when you finally get to the person you're meant to be with, will there be anything left?

My last relationship left me broken. And I can openly admit that, although I'm over what happened, I'm still not really over the person or the relationship in itself. When it ended, I ran around being chased by guys I wasn't interested in, only because I was lacking the person I really wanted, I just liked the attention. So, I did stupid things and broke myself down more to the point where I came back to my old view on life.
Before I was 16 I was convinced that no sex before marriage was the best thing for me, and for other people too, but each to their own. I went down a bad path, the wrong one, for me that is. I just ended up being an emotional mess, sex just complicated things so much more than I thought it would. Now, I didn't think anything I was doing was bad until about six months ago, but by that point I'd driven myself into a hole so deep, I had to reach up to touch rock bottom. I did something about it, or rather life had other plans for me, brought me back to my old way of thinking, and actually living that way as well.

I don't think I would restrict myself to dating until after university, but then I'm not going to give myself a deadline. I pray about guys - which is allowed - but I also pray that I can just focus on God and my family, friends and just being me for a while, 'cause I kinda lost who I was. And I'm awesome, so that sucks, heh.
I don't think I really want to meet my future husband yet, but when I do I know that I'll be entering into, not just a relationship but, a friendship too. It won't be about sex, it'll be about me, him, and God. Oh yeah, christians only please?

So, to everyone who knew a different me before, I'm not really different in myself, I'm still the amazingly self assured girl who's a bit too loud and probably makes you laugh even though she's not funny. I'm still pretty rude and a little crude, and the flirting thing? Well, I've tried to tone it down as much as I can but some things are just me. The only difference now is, I've got God back in my life, and I couldn't be happier.

Absolute rubbish

I am sat down in the computer suite at my college and, I swear, the stupidest kid I have ever encountered is sitting about three computers away from me.
He just made the most bone headed ignorant comment I've heard from a, probably, 16/17 year old boy. And I quote,
"Looks are the be all and end all. I only get with women on the basis of looks."

My. Word.

I then looked around to see who this pig headed ass face was and he was marginally attractive, but I wouldn't look twice; looking once is a stretch. But that comment was actually enough to make me want to throttle him. And apparently blog worthy. Just a mild point, as well; 'women'? I'm sorry, boy? How many 'women' do you actually know? I'm a woman, at a push, but I'm still a lot more womanly than the slaggy girls you probably end up with. If any.
OMGOSH.

What kind of moron boys do I go to college with!?

A girl he was talking to just said she didn't like her boyfriend that much, but she'd stay with him anyway. WHAT!?
People only a year or two below me at college are bloody retards.

geek geek geek

I freak'n LOVE Stargate.
Sat with my mum watching Stargate Continuum!

I'm such a geek it hurts, sometimes.

So, that party

It was HILARIOUS!
The only uncool thing of it was Heidi (birthday girl) getting upset and walking off.. Scary when it's the middle of the night and snowing like there's no tomorrow, and she's only wearing three quarter lengths and a strap top. Scary as hell.

Otherwise the night was amazing, had a really good time and I believe I've made some new friends. So, yay :D
But this morning I had to walk back from college to mine, which I was totally okay with, my friend dropped me at college as he was going there anyway and hopped out and walked on home. However, I realised that I had left my keys in my house on the way home and suddenly had no idea what to do - it was ten in the morning. So, in the end, I had to walk to my dad's work, which took me 45 minutes and get keys off of him, and then walked home again, another 30 miniutes. It wasn't fun, the roads and pavements were covered with icey snow and slipped up every five minutes. I now have a very bruised bum.

I just found out that Brandon, a guy I've known on t'internet for over six years now, is joining the Navy. Now, this is awesome and I'm super happy for him BUT this summer we'd been talking about meeting for the first time. This has been discussed for over a year now and is approaching faster because now it's the new year and it's only a few months away until I actually jump on a plane and go out to the states to work. Him joining the Navy means now I don't think it will work anymore. I can't imagine being able to see him while I'm working, I finish for exploration around America in August, which is when he's going to be shipped off.
Now I'm super bummed, but had to kinda come to face with the fact that it may never happen and when this was mentioned to him, I don't think he took it well. It's not that I don't believe that he wants to see me, or has any intention to, I just don't want to think too optimistically and then feel this rubbish about it again. It kills me that I haven't already met the dude.

And LASTLY!!!
I totally just made a video. Don't expect good things, please. The last video was a total whim.

I have friends

I never really had friends in college. And if I did, it was like... one. And rarely did I see them outside of college. So, I had 'in college' friends but that was it. Otherwise, I kinda ended up sticking to my mates outside of it, even they happened to go to my college too, they were still from outside of it. BUT now I have friends in college and the proof is from a bunch of us going out on thursday to this club called Waster. It was SO MUCH FUN.

Now, I'm getting ready to go to a party. With my friends from college :D

The decision

It was like a hard slap in the face; my realisation that I had to step up and actually take responsibility for my life, now. At first it was terrifying... I mean, it still is, but I'm adjusting to it because I know that if I put hard work in now it will all pay off and I'm so excited for the outcome.

In the next few weeks/months I have to...
- call the U.S. embassy and ask about a Visa
- apply to bunac
- learn 3+ (the + is a likely outcome) audition monologues and read the play that each one is from. And know it.
- attend 8 auditions all over the country. And one in Wales.
- practice monologues every day.
- learn and perfect a 45 minute set of songs for Isle of Wight tour (which I will probably try and persuade people to come to)
- learn and perfect three songs for vocals class in and out of college.
- practice singing every day
- finishing details for events management (actual temporary promotions company putting on a gig)
- promote promote promote! (btw, tuesday 28th April, 7:30pm, top floor, Club 8, Guildhall Walk - prices, bands and djs tbc, probably around £3) Oh, yes!
- hand in two improved essays from last year... please, no one of concern read that bit.
- recording sessions
- lose 3stone - no arguing, I don't think I'm fat. I'm not deluded. I just want to be more comfortable with my weight and I have gained SO much in the past two years. Plus, getting all hair cut off would be more favourable with cheek bones and jaw line looking gorgeous and lovely. And visible.

Wow. I've got my work cut out for me.

I freak'n love it. I'm ready.