The beginning of the end... Of this year.

So, it's been almost three months since I moved away to uni and I'm going back in a week for a month over Christmas. I can't explain how much I miss my home, going back will be amazing.
It's been.. interesting. To say the least.
From my last post, you know that my Grandfather died. It was about two weeks into my being here; that was difficult. Along with being homesick, not really getting on with my flatmate and having a small issue back home that I had to deal with whilst being here at the same time, the entire experience has been one I couldn't have predicted in any manner.
A few weeks in I was became somewhat of a recluse. Living here literally changed how I am with myself and other people; and if you've met me, although I don't think that's necessary, you know that I'm anything but reclusive. But I didn't want to be anywhere near my flatmate, I didn't feel close enough to anyone to get comfort about my Grandfather, no one ever came to see me and I didn't want to intrude on people's lives all the time so, I spent a lot of time on my own. I wanted to go home, give up and just live my life in my parent's house in Portsmouth where I knew I had friends I could count on. But I didn't want the disappointment I knew would come with that.

Only God knows how, and I thank him every day for helping me through this, but I managed to start going out and meeting people outside of uni which built my confidence back up to hang out with my uni friends again and everything there is alright now. I found an amazing church called City Church - it's in Canterbury but I don't mind traveling to go somewhere I love. I quit smoking! It's been three weeks - and although even that mention of smoking kind of makes me want a cigarette, I know I've done one of the best things ever for myself and I couldn't be prouder. As a consequence I've gained a bit of weight, but that's coupled with my brief few of weeks of being a recluse; I comfort eat. And I know it'll be easier to lose now because I'll, even if slowly, find exercise easier.
I'm going to re-string this guitar I have, borrowed from my Mummy, and I WILL learn to play it. And then do some covers and write some songs and get some gigs. And I want to get a decent camera and do some photography and put it up on flickr and look at the world.

Boys aren't on my agenda at all. I can't escape old memories enough to make new ones and although I've had fleeting moments, there's been nothing substantial. Nothing that can compare. Nothing for ages. My attitude, as one who just isn't that interested, is apparently all the more interesting to the male of the species, and I can't figure out whether that's fun or irritating. I think both, some times fun but after a while irritating. Or just plain creepy.

God has completely turned me upside down and then the right way up again. I'm baffled and serene at the same time. Serenely baffled. I'm seeing my life through someone else's eyes, and this person is just ever so slightly more grown up than when I first arrived at university.

Now, I best stop procrastinating and actually do some work if I want to actually pass this course.
I'll try and update more often from now on. My bad. What can I say? I'm a student.