It's not goodbye.

This may not actually happen, but I think I'm going to take a break for a while, from everything and everyone. For a long time I've been feeling... Well, I can't really describe what I'm feeling. But I feel as though suddenly my hard drive of a world is crashing and I can't really handle all of it.
The only way I can possibly explain it is by saying that I'm action packed with issues. These said issues have been brought to the surface more recently and it's really affecting how I am with myself, other people and in social settings. My mind is full of thoughts all the time, most of them pessimistic and I can't see how I'm ever going to find answers to any of the questions constantly battling in my head, mostly because I feel like I can't talk to anyone about them.
I know there are so many people who would sit and listen and be patient with me, not even to give advice or judge but just to listen but for once in my life, I'm struggling to find the words. So, I've decided to look into therapy, counselling, some one to talk to who might be able to figure out what I feel and why.

I went out tonight to the Reg and Route. Had an argument with one of my best friend's, Neil, on the phone, wanted to leave then but didn't. Got to Route, wanted to leave then because it was boring but didn't. Two people that I did not want to see in the same situation were both there, which was painfully awkward and after having one give me serious words I had a panic attack followed by me coming home. He'll probably read this now, and want something of an explanation as to who the other person was, but it's complicated.
The weird thing is that when I was in Route, I stood on my own, I wanted to break down and I couldn't figure out why. There, in that place that I love, were loads of my mates, some of the greatest people I know, packed full of people to meet, with awesome music and I stood on my own and watched it all. I felt this huge urge to talk to some one I love, some one who just kinda gets me even thought they don't know what to say to some of the things I have to say, and out of a few people who I adore that were there, the only person I wanted was some crazy ginger Scottish twat. I didn't even want to talk to you, I just wanted you to be there, or just with you anywhere. I can't explain it, I won't even try to.

Anyway, my phone's dying a slow and painful death. So, I'm going to be a bit cut off for a bit. I'll lurk on the side lines but for now, I'm gone.